Conflict Resolution Skills

The conflict that I am currently experiencing is the one between my father and me about my future. In his perspective, I, now 27 years old, should have got married. He worries about me, thinking that it would be hard for me to get married when my age reaches 30 because in my hometown people usually get married early. In my perspective, I want to marry someone that I love and loves me; I do not want to marry just for marriage.

 

As for this conflict or conflicts like this, I think some of the principles of nonviolent communication (NVC) and the 3R's can be adopted at the same time to resolve the conflict more productively. I would first express my respect for his perspective because I know he cares about me. Then I would choose to tell my father how I feel about and what I actually need for marriage. To be reciprocal and responsive to his concern, I would make a request, asking him to relieve himself a little and I would be more active in my marriage.

When I ask my colleagues in my workplace about how they have learned to be more effective communicators as it relates to conflict resolution skills, they shares some insights. First, we should listen carefully to others' thinking without interrupting to express our own ideas. Second, we should respect for different modes of thinking due to cultural differences. Third, when conflicts occur, instead of fighting for our own perspective, we should try to put ourselves in others' place to experience what kind of feelings others might have and be open to discuss about it to find a better way and a common ground to resolve the conflict.

Evaluation and insights

This week, I was required to examine and evaluate who I am as a communicator by finishing three tests, that is, Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and Listening Styles Profile from Walden. These three tests were done on my own as well as by one colleague in my workplace and one close friend. As thinking about the similarities and differences between how I evaluated myself and how others evaluated me, I think what surprised me the most is that the scores of Verbal Aggressiveness Scale are in the same level but go up from my colleague, myself to my friend. This surprised me because I did not realize that I was more verbally aggressive to my friends who I think I am so close to and plays an important role in my life. After trying to analyze the reason for the difference, I think this indicates that my verbal aggressiveness or my language "reflects and creates the relational context" (O'H air & Wiemann, 2012, pp.115). With my colleagues, I use milder words to express myself to avoid conflicts occurring, to try to be professional in my work, and to respect and consider others' viewpoints. With my friends, of course I also respect their viewpoints; however, I will be truer of myself and feel more comfortable to express my real feelings and thoughts. 

From these tests and the course text regarding communication, some insights are gained. From the text, I am impressed by the statement, "while your self-concept strongly influences how and when you communicate with others, the reverse is true: when you interact with other people, you get impressions from them that reveal how they evaluate you as a person and as a communicator." (O'H air & Wiemann, 2012, pp.47) This statement can be verified by the tests that show the same results. Therefore, we should be aware of and have a better understanding of our self-concept because "both cognitions and behavior make a communicator" (O'H air & Wiemann, 2012, pp.47). Another insight from the test regarding Verbal Aggressiveness is that though I feel more comfortable and truer when I interact with my friends, I should also be aware of the words that I use; otherwise I might unintentionally hurt the feelings of my friends, which might build up barriers between us.

Reference:                                                               

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Cultural diversity and communication

Due to cultural diversity, I find myself communicating differently with people from different groups, such as my colleagues in the workplace, my friends, my family, and so on. For example, when I interact with my colleagues, I would pay attention to the topics we are talking about to avoid severe political conflict, which is not appropriate in an international school; I would observe what kind of nonverbal communication skills they possess, such as eye movement, personal distance, body language, etc.. However, with my families, since we are in the same family culture, we know each other better in most aspects, I feel more easy and casual to talk with them about any topics without being afraid that they might feel offensive; as well, I would feel so accustomed to each other's nonverbal communication skills.

From what I have learned this week, there are some strategies that I can use when I interact with people from different cultures.

Strategy 1: Recognize my own patterns of nonverbal behaviors and be aware of nonverbal behaviors from other cultures. I need to know that some nonverbal behaviors that are normal to me would look strange and hard to comprehend in other cultures. When it occurs, I would try to talk a little bit more about this kind of nonverbal behaviors without causing discomfort or defensiveness. Meanwhile, I would try to observe those nonverbal behaviors that are different from me to detect what messages they convey. (Gonzalez-Mena, 2010)

Strategy 2: Seek information, ask questions and listen effectively. To get to know a different culture, we should take initiative to learn more about another culture by seeking some related information, asking colleagues or other groups questions about their dos and don'ts, listening carefully so that we can "bridge differences in culture and background" (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).

Strategy 3: Become other-orientated. In intercultural communication, we take into consideration others' thoughts and values, and put ourselves in others' place to feel what others might feel emotionally. In this way, we show respect and have a better understanding of what they go through so that we can adjust our behaviors to accommodate differences. (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011)

Reference:

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Nonverbal Communication skills-- Communication-related Activity 1

The TV show that I chose to watch is The Big C, Episode 4, Season 1, which I never watch before. The first time when I watched this episode with sound off, from the facial expressions of the main character in her forties, I can see that she smiles a lot throughout the show, which shows that she is quite positive. 

In Scene 1, she was in an office with a man. She smiled and looked confident, being happy about what she was saying. However, the man talked to her frowning and seemingly unhappy. In this scene, from facial expressions, I feel that they are not in a really happy communication and I made an assumption that they were in the interview and the man was not satisfied with the woman.

In Scene 2, the main character, she approached a teenage boy who was playing video games in a rugby field. When she was talking to the boy, the boy focused on his games without looking at her, showing no respect for her. After a little bit conversation, the woman put her eyes on the video game and I guess she was asking something about the game. The boy made a signal that showed her something happening in the field. Her facial expressions showed that she did not expect what's happening in the field. Then she took away the video game from him and made a gesture with her thumb up pointing backwards. Then the boy got into a jeep. I made an assumption that the woman and the boy is mom and son, who are not in a really good relationship.

In scene 3, she with a man was in a restaurant, seeming having a date with the man. She smiled and was in a good conversation with him. Then he took her to a big house. Another woman, let's say A, showed up in front of house, wearing very formally. The main character leaned against the man and smiled happily, showing they were intimate. The A showed them to walk around the house. I made an assumption that the man and the woman were a couple who were finding a new house.

The second time when I watched this show with sound on, I was surprised that the assumptions that I made, some are right but some not. About her relationships with others, seemingly I guess right, whether in a good and intimate relationship or not; however, about the plot, mostly I made wrong assumptions.

In scene 1, actually the woman wanted to get her money back from 401(k), which made the man in the office confused. They were not a job interview. In scene 2, they were mom and son. She was not happy about him playing video games instead of working a summer job. She asked where the video game from. I guess right from their facial expressions and gestures. In scene 3 the assumption of which surprised me most, I am shocked that they were doctor and patient. In their conversation in the restaurant, the woman showed a positive attitude toward her cancer. Because she wanted to experience something that was different from what she had experienced in her life, she tried new things, such as buying a convertible, and pretending to be another woman. That's why she went with the man to see the house, pretending girl friend and boy friend.

From the blog assignment, I learn that nonverbal communications have a great impact on showing how the relationships between people are. If I had been watching this show and known about the plot well, I think with the sound off, I wound be more correct about my assumptions. Though I was wrong about some of their relations, from their nonverbal communications, I was right about the relationships between them, whether good or not. Therefore, we should pay attention to our nonverbal communication skills if we want to promote a relationship with other since "nonverbal behavior is communicative" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 129).

Reference:

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.